Then you have kids and you realize that the power of their lungs alone could probably jolt the moon out of orbit, if scientists were ever able to harness that power and direct it. Unfortunately, no one can harness that power. No one can control that power, except your one year old daughter, who is bent on destroying the gadgetry that composes your inner ear or driving you off the second-floor deck of your apartment. Or both. Our daughter likes to lure you in with a cute face until you are in maximal audio-frequency-blaster range.
Besides the "I'm cute, come have your hearing destroyed" tactic, Tova's other #1 weapon of audio destruction is the "It's six A.M. and I'm the loudest thing in the western hemisphere" tactic. It is more of a brute force attack, but it works brilliantly because at six in the morning I can't really see anything. By taking out my hearing, Tova efffectively renders me a zombie, eager to do her every bidding. I navigate by touch and smell (my nose directs me to the coffee maker) and I try to do things that make the screaming go away. Those things include:
- Picking up her hedgehog for the 4078th time so that she can throw it on the ground again.
- Giving her a different variation on Plums, Bananas, Blueberries, and Strawberry Medley organic smelly babyfood.
- Throwing cheerios back at her.
- Giving her food that is generally not edible by the human species, with the exception of teething one year olds (I'm thinking of the zwieback toast from gerber, which resembles scrap plywood coated in sandpaper).
- Generally dancing around like an idiot to make her laugh and stop the assault on my eardrums.
June 14th, 2005 at 05:37 AM oh. my. gosh. i am laughing so hard! stop! stop it!!!
June 14th, 2005 at 09:57 AM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I feel your pain - your sister could do the same and you were no lightweight when testing your lungs. Although, I have to say that I have heard Tova and she has a definite gift in the shrieking department...
June 14th, 2005 at 11:27 AM play techno. loud.
June 17th, 2005 at 06:33 AM well, has Tova ever done this to you? Things could be worse...actually, when I was there it seemed like shit was kicking ass and taking names for you and Elly. :-) I've always enjoyed your dancing.
June 17th, 2005 at 06:35 AM Your blog should respect line breaks and insert <p/> automagicly for users. That way my last sentence in the previous post would clear be serperated and therefore rise to it's full humor possibilities.
June 17th, 2005 at 06:36 AM It should also correct my poor gramer. Thank you.
June 17th, 2005 at 12:50 PM When confronted with a screaming baby record it and make techno baby music...it might sell?
June 20th, 2005 at 02:35 AM Our first daughter had 2 states for the first 3 months. - awake and screaming - asleep and about to wake up.
August 29th, 2005 at 05:47 AM Doug, perhaps the age gap is too much now for a fair fight, but I think that our boy Toby could give Tova a run for her money. Also, your parents might comment because Toby was great while he was hanging there for a couple weeks, but now that we are up here on our own Toby has resorted to powerful yells the volume of which scares even my dog. ... Ok my dog is scared by everything, particularly vacuums, but all the same -- I think a Toby vs. Tova Volume Shrieking Show-down would be worth the effort. The spectators probably would be deaf for a month.