5. Since you have no legs and are therefore not ambulatory, you can not get away if I decide to teach you a lesson.
4. I'm paranoid. After two consecutive paper jams I start to think you're just playing with me.
3. Underneath that gray plastic shell you have breakable parts, like...your scanner glass.
2. You are replaceable.
1. My Kung Fu Heel Hammer Kick.
I lost it today. I thought I'd give a little warning kick to this piece of crap when it jammed on me for the 8,023,235th time. I guess I kicked a little too hard because I heard the internals rattling around after my first kick and that set me off. Once I knew I had broken it, I got a little crazy and just kept kicking it. I guess movies really do inspire violence.
Elly and Tova came home just as I was vacuuming up the evidence. Elly asked, "What happened in here? Did you kill somebody?"
"Yeah, I did. I killed a printer today."
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